Back to Me
A song about what my kids help me learn, do, and feel, and be again
Children reawaken. It’s a trope (for a reason) that we grown-ups get caught up in a-goin’ and a-doin’. We have to pay the bills, be caretakers, sacrifice our time and sleep to prioritize our kids.
Despite these practical and honorable pursuits, there is a rich but simple reward within life at this stage. We get to relive the pure wonder in the world around us.
My kids notice things I overlook. Often because I’m blind to what’s in front of my physical eyes because my mind is elsewhere. They help me see things again.
They help me touch back into a sense of play that I somehow completely lost. I find myself wanting to complete a task like tidy the kitchen after a meal. They want me to chase them around the kitchen island pretending they’re a chicken on the loose.
Of course, at some point the kitchen needs straightened. But man, isn’t it freeing to forget the crumby countertops and yell, “Get back here chicken!” as I chase tiny, giggling people around?
Chasing games, hide and seek, running around outside, wrestling and throwing them on the bed - all of these physically immersive activities wake up muscle memory of who I was a long time ago. Someone a lot more free and blissfull. It’s nice to have her back.
Kids also have fresh ways of seeing or saying things. They’re still figuring out this whole language thing and they’re figuring out comedic timing.
The way they bring back my sense of play or make me laugh from a deeply joyful place is also reciprocal. As enjoyable as it is for me, I’m also a more pleasant, present, relaxed mom when I allow access to these things within me.
My children also need me to lead in a way I shied away from before them. They need me to be sure. They need me to be able to say no while staying connected.
They need me to be strong through life’s uncertainty and immense disappointment. In my darkest moments, I’ve thought that my kids deserve a better mom than me. But honestly, I know they need me as I am - imperfect.
I was designated as their leader, protector, guide. There is a reason we are together. As I learn and grow, they glean from me. And if I stay curious, I learn old and new things from them.
My children have brought lightness, silliness, fun, and a love I couldn’t wrap my heart around before them.
Back to Me is about all this.
Show it some love here on my SoundCloud too, if you’re so inclined.